


So, did you miss me?

by respoftw



Series: Tumblr Prompts - McShep edition [17]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angst, Episode Related, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-21
Updated: 2016-09-21
Packaged: 2018-08-16 13:39:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8104468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/respoftw/pseuds/respoftw
Summary: "Don't ever leave me again," he whispered.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [randommindtime](https://archiveofourown.org/users/randommindtime/gifts).



> @randommindtime sent me a prompt from a "five word prompt" list floating around tumblr that I seem to have misplaced.
> 
> "So, did you miss me?"
> 
> Bring on the melodrama. Because that's how I roll.

Rodney was himself again and John was so fucking glad, so unbelievably relieved that it took his breath away. Watching Rodney go through his own worst nightmare - losing his mind and his spark and his self - was the hardest thing John had ever had to do. Watching him slip away hour by hour, minute by minute felt like dying a little each day.

That last night they'd had on the pier, sharing a six pack of beer while Rodney wore his jacket and tried to say goodbye had been the night when John had finally admitted - to himself at least - just how important Rodney was to him.

It was typical really that, now Rodney was whole and healthy again, John had gone back to pretending. He was good at that, equally proud and ashamed at how easy it was.

His leather jacket still smelled like Rodney. It was its own form of torture.

* * *

Rodney's face fell as John sidestepped another invitation to hang out.

He tried not to dwell on how the spark dying in Rodney's eyes reminded him of how Rodney had looked when he was all but gone.

Leaving the table was easier.

* * *

Sometimes he wished that Rodney hadn't recovered, sometimes he hated himself more than he ever thought possible.

Somethings he thought it had been easier when Rodney had been all but gone. Simpler. Freeing in a crazy way. He had been free to act like Rodney was the most important person in the world, free to hold him and comfort him and what sort of unbelievable jackass was he that he longed for the days when Rodney would call for him, would remember his name above everything else.

He didn't deserve to have the real Rodney back.

* * *

 

Woolsey was the one to tell him that Rodney had decided to leave the team. John shoved the hurt away, pushed it into a corner and nodded. It was all for the best.

* * *

 

Ronon was terrible at racing cars.

* * *

 

Teyla laughed at all the right places during Back to the Future.

* * *

Senior staff meetings were stiff and formal and Rodney was so damn well behaved that John felt like it was happening all over again.

* * *

 

His jacket was starting to lose Rodney's smell. He told himself he was glad. He lied to himself a lot these days.

Teyla frowned at him a lot these days.

He was lonely all the time these days.

* * *

Rodney was the smartest man in two galaxies. Again. John shouldn't have been surprised that he figured it out.

"So," Rodney said, "did you miss me? That's it, isn't it? The reason for all this - -" Rodney threw his hands in the air in a gesture that seemed to encompass everything from the uncaring mess of John's room to the chill in the air around them.

He wasn't wrong.

"I didn't miss you, y'know. Not then. Didn't have to. You were, you were there. Every time I called for you, you were there and I can't begin to imagine how hard that was."

John tried to close the door but Atlantis wasn't listening to him. She always had liked Rodney better.

"But now? Now, I miss you. Every single day. And I just don't know what I can do to get you back. Tell me what to do John. Please?"

John shut his eyes and tried to keep breathing.

He couldn't do this anymore, he couldn't do the right thing, not with Rodney's voice breaking like that, not with Rodney looking at him like that. Even he had his breaking point.

"Rodney, I - "

Rodney's arms wrapped around him and John let himself be pulled forward, knowing that, if he was lucky, he would be able to smell Rodney on these clothes later. He needed this. Maybe he was selfish but - -

"Don't ever leave me again," he whispered, "I can't - - please, Rodney."

Rodney didn't promise. John wouldn't have believed him if he had.

"I didn't leave you," Rodney said. "I'm right here."

John believed that. For the first time since Keller showed him a scan of Rodney's brain, John didn't feel alone.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, you can find me on [Tumblr](http://buffycuddlespigs.tumblr.com)


End file.
